2015 has been quite a year of personal and spiritual growth. The first half of the year was quite exciting, then my doggy passed away in April, and things started spiralling downwards from there. Work has always been bad but it got really really bad and I knew I had to remove myself from that toxic environment before my family checked me in to IMH.
My baby’s passing was the catalyst that made me realise I needed to change my life. I started 2015 at 128kg, but ballooned up to 131.5kg due to crazy stress. I was working crazy hours till 4-5am on days at end, getting sick, bullied and going mad while others were so carefree watching movies and going for hour long phone breaks at work. So, in June 2015, I finally walked out of that Indian Business Park with what little money I had in my pocket, with no concrete plans for what lay ahead, but happy with a smile on my face.
Sometimes I get angry with myself cos I am too strong for my own good. At the expense of proving to myself that I am not a quitter, I really get burnt out along the way. Damn you mayakorrs! Stop fighting so much! You don’t need to prove how long you can last, if deep down within you, you know that it is not right. If something doesn’t work out, just leave and move on to the next thing.
Along the way, I also limited my exposure with negative people. I started learning how to depend on myself and not look to others to keep me happy. Why, I did go out a lot! But I stopped begging people to hang out with me. I went on countless dates, met many interesting people (a Viking as well.. Hello Karsten!!), and built on the friendships that mean something to me. Friendship is a 2-way street. And friends build you up, not tear you down and fill your mind with doubt after doubt. Life is really better without having to justify yourself and your actions to the people around you.
I think the people that came into my life this year really changed my lifestyle and me as a whole. I think I am better at not worrying too much. I cut back my shopaholic tendencies and eating at wherever whenever. I have come to realise that I rather pay for experiences. Things that enrich my life. Cos that is what is important. It’s not about the PRADA that you carry to the beach. It is the conversations, the people, the company and that exchange of energy that you have with people.
I can’t believe that I have developed and grown so much, over the last 6 months especially. It is definitely not easy, trust me.
Sometimes I feel like a failure because I am jobless, manless, cashless, and going in to 3-0, this is not where I envisioned myself to be. But I guess I cannot stop the clock, so I am gonna learn to embrace this instead.
I have started writing my book. I am gonna launch my online business. Surely I am not a failure. I came too far… changed my whole life around.. fought against the grain to create this life I never imagined possible..
Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I told my friends we will go on the dance floor to dance to the live band. Right. Me. The shy girl who never parties, club or dance. Damn I even joined the snake dance on the dance floor. What’s up mayakorrs! You really surprise me sometimes!
In a nutshell:
- remove yourself from toxic environments
- limit exposure to negative people
- live for experiences that enrich your life
- don’t be too hard on yourself
- only YOU can change your life
Cheers and I wish you all the very best for the upcoming year!
In Love and Light,