Whoever is reading this.
You know, life has not been too easy these past few years. Actually, life has never been easy for me after I hit the age of 11 when my parents were going thru a marital split. I have always had to be the strong one since then, I was the only adult in my family of 5. Guess I grew up too fast. Took on the entire burden of everyone and everything.
Ok tonight is gonna be a long night cos I’m washed in heavy emotions. I actually wrote to Sophie, but it is not enough. I need the world to read this. I’m crying in bed as I write this. No, I am NOT PMS-ing. I’m just in a horrible state right now. And tracing back timeline of events that happened this year.
Where do I start? I’m not gonna talk about the emotional abuse part cos that has significantly reduced. I’m good on that aspect. I’ve become so strong, did some cut-the-cord work and I am glad to report that I’m no longer affected as badly as before. So clear on that.
This is a spiral effect. Something happens, triggers my memory, and flashback.. and boom bham wham.. I get transported.
Ok honestly, this whole year has been such a HUGE mess! And I can’t seem to get over the fact that I am no longer in my counselling job. Yes, earlier this year in Feb, I took on a job as a school counsellor. They put us thru training and then into the school.
See, I’m a very empathic person. Actually, I get people’s emotions very easily. It’s just a bang in my face. I am very sensitive to people and my surroundings- Empath. What more can I say!?
Anyway, I started the counselling job on a high note! I was eager to learn, and was quite involved in the beginning. But about 2-3 weeks in, I started getting very very drained. My friend said it’s normal cos when she started her job after a long time, she was also very drained but within 2 months, she got settled in and noa longer drained. I was jobless for 1.5yrs before this counselling job came along ok! So I thought ok give myself some time.
But what happened is that I was super drained when we started doing the microskills class. I always felt gone. Couldnt sit down from 9am to 5pm doing this counselling shit. Coming up with scenarios, counselling those scenarios etc. It was very draining on me by the time 2-3pm rolled by.
I couldn’t take the intense mental stimulation and practice of empathic skills everyday from 8am to 5pm. But I trudged in. After all, I’m not a quitter!!!! But everything seemed like an uphill battle from then on.
I couldnt understand doing the essays which required all this journal readings and citations and all that shit. Academic writing is just not my shit. I’m the creative kinda writing person. Now in my new role, I write executive communications which sometimes includes numbers and results and performance, but at least I am learning something new, and feel that I am writing to an audience and sharing inportant news!
I can go on and on about the counselling shit. Seriously, counselling is not what I expected it to be. To me, counselling is listening to people speak, hearing them out, giving thema dose of confidence.. and let them go and make their lives!!
But what it turned out to be!? I have to learn all these skills and tios and techniques for every single issue out there from anger management to gaming addiction to this to that stress management etc. And share them with the kids. Like hello!!! Let the kids grow some spine!!!??? Why are we cajoling and spoon feeding them so much!??
I got tired with the requirements. It was too technical, too scientific… too much theory based. WTF!!
Counselling was about THEORIES!!! When I first went in, I was asked what theory I practiced!? Huhhh!!?? I am a human. I do human therapy. Not scientific theories. I find that a lot of the counsellors have lost on the human touch cos they are using scientific methods to guide them with counselling. To be honest, ppl in emotional pain just need someone to hear them out and just listen. That’s all.
I hated it when some mates wiuld use their counselling theories on me. It felt super fake. Even when I met my friends, I didnt know how to take down that counsellor’s hat. It became so ingrained in me, I was going crazy amd analysing and doing “counselling” on them when they were just randomly talking to me! It was that bad!! I never had a shut down time. I spoke in counselling lingo- “and then, and then, and then…”, “hmm tell me more..”, “uh huh…” etc etc.. woah I was going mad!! It took me about 2-3 months+ to break away from it cos I was conscious about it. Thank God, it substantially reduced over time. Bow, I am left with maybe 5-10% counselling lingo in my blood? I just want to eradicate it forever!!!! Cos I feel so disgusted. That I have lost myself. Being a counsellor.
Yes. I have lost myself. I never met any friends. I was too zapped out. All I wanted was to eat junk food after training/work at 4-5pm. I would buy kfc/mcd and come home, plonk in front of the tv, watch mindless tv, and just EAT! And sometimes, I will even just eat in bed. Bed was my best friend. I loved my bed. It was so comforting. And then I will sleep at 5-6pm sometimes.. cos I was super drained.
Oh and gym!? Please! It was a 5-10min walk from my training school to the gym! But, I was so fed up, so drained, so zapped, all I wanted was to just head home and cocoon up ASAP!! Which was what I did!
And that led me to this- why I needed to write this post. A super long one tgat got even longer sith this sentence. It’s ok once this blog becomes a book, people will devour to read my stories.
– i chose not to be a victim. Right now, at this moment, i can for once let it dissolve. Stop being the victim. Your gains and loses in that phase of life, will you let that dictate who you are and what you gonna be? Or acvept it that that happemed, and move on. Accept that I went thru that horrible repulsive state of life, and now, I can move on… follow my heart and move on-
Random Night
Sometimes.. You just miss someone so so soooooo bad!? And all you want is to talk to them again.. and be with them. But it is not possible. So you cry yourself to sleep. Cos you miss them so so sooooo much. Maybe another lifetime… How do I silence this longing in my heart? It hurts so much.
Dear Future Husband..
Dear Future Husband,
Please note that it would be my pleasure to cook meals with you, clean eating meals. Just do not expect me to cook and serve you all day long. I know that I am a woman, but the kitchen is one of my most hated places, only because growing up, as a girl, it has been inculcated that a girl’s place is in the house, especially the kitchen!! Ok I actually miss my daddy right now…!!😭
Please note that I will readily join in your family traditions of cooking and whatever nots because I would love to bond with your family members, cousins, sisters, aunts, mum, grandmama, etc. I look forward to that with all my heart!
However, my love, please do not expect me to cook and serve you 3 square meals a day. You would much rather marry a maid from a 3rd world country. I am not that kind of an Asian woman. I would love you to cook for me.. I love my man to cook for me 🙂
Allright. I need to sign off here and writea more detailled post elsewhere.
Your Gorgeous Future Wife,
Maya ❤️
Food.. I Can Finally Cook??
So you know how it goes.. I never cook.
#1 I first refused to learn cooking in my teens cos I kept being fed the information from family and relatives and general people of punjabi society that “ALL GOOD INDIAN GIRLS COOK FOR THEIR HUSBANDS”. I was a rebel. I didn’t want to cook and serve a man.
#2 I think me not learning how to cook from my mum is a blessing in disguise. She cooks well, I know, everyone says that, but seriously! I am just gonna get a heart attack if I had learnt her cooking style! I can’t be frying every single thing before cooking it!!! Yes… Oh My God. You do not know how many arguments I have gotten in with her just because of her cooking methods (FRYING IS HER BEST FRIEND) and her choice of ingredients (vegetable oils etc for DEEP FRYING!).
I have been on a “diet plan” and so have been eating clean for a whille. Unfortunately, I did not realise that cheese and sour cream actually negatively affected my PCOS until someone else on the plan told me to consider staying off it. For the record, I stopped the plan cos I gained 5kgs of fats on it, while people are losing that amount in just 1 month!! Only takeaway is eating fresh foods.. And me learning how to cook.
So I feel like putting some pics up, so hey! These are the foods I have prepared. Yes! By yours truly! 🙂
The food with cheese were while I was trying to eat on plan. The rest were my own creations.
If you want to see more of my cooking creations, follow me on Instagram @mayakorrs..
Why?
Sometimes, I wonder and ask myself, “Why can’t you just be that normal girl!? That girl that is accepted by society at large? That girl that is a ‘good girl’ who does everything expected of her. Why!!? Why Maya Korrs why!!?”…
And then I remind myself why I changed my name. Why I decided to lose weight. Why I chose to defy traditions, customs and expectations of what a “good indian girl” should be.
You fight so much to create this better life for yourself.. People didn’t appreciate you going to the gym, making a better life for yourself. Instead, you got called names, that you are a loose woman, going to the gym to meet men. Oh my..
Nobody knows how much I fought to change this life of mine. It just ain’t weight loss. I had to fight and say that I am going to the gym cos I don’t wanna stay cooped up at home. I had to fight and say NO! I don’t and won’t eat all that crap that is constantly being put in front of me. I had to fight to change my life.. Why!? Cos I know I did not want to be fat, frumpy and with nobody to love. Nobody wanted me. I was an outcast in my own society. People sneered at me. People said I was fat and nobody wants me. People said that nobody was gonna marry me. And when I lost weight and became hott as fuck, ok hott enough, damn, those same people came running and wanna date me and marry me and all that. Please. I am never going back to people who rejected me. I am worth more than that. I know my worth. That is why, I no longer date anyone from my society. Marriage is not even a question. Please. It is sad that I have to face being ‘cursed’ and emotional blackmail regarding marrying a punjabi from my own mother. Thankfully my dad is really cool and always pushes me to go ot there and see the world- to travel, have an international mindset, meet people, go out, see the world. And he is super supportive of me finding what I want in life and marrying the man of my dreams when my time is right. I love you daddy!
Right now, I am desperately looking for a job, trying to get money to be independent again.. And I gym to keep myself sane, and trying to lose weight during this period…
I try soooo hard.. Up til today, I have not given up on myself. There must be a cure, a fix, a solution to this weight loss thing. There must be. This darn PCOS makes life 1 million times harder, but let’s try and work with it. I am sure there is a way to tackle the weight loss with this. I’m on a mission, and I am my own guinea pig. I have been trying so many things amd have failed miserably so many times.. But at least I can walk away knowing what doesn’t work for me.
I know this is off topic. But I guess it does relate to why I strive so hard to work on my body despite dismal results. This is my public face. I have another blog, but that’s a secret cos everything else that goes on in my life goes there… Cos I don’t think the world is ready to face the harsh realities of what I am facing and sharing..
Always fighting on…
Maya Korrs
Gym Swap
Gyms. Now I know why so many plus size and fat babes don’t ever wanna put themselves in that environment. I never really understood it til I stepped out of my usual gym.
Ok so I have been with Fitness First for 6 years now.. Damn! Is it really that long!!? Anyway, prior to joining FF, I went hunting for gyms cos I was bloating up at 136kg. So I ended up at California Fitness for an intro tour. I was doing my internship at Raffles that time and knew nothing about fitness. Damn, I had no issues about my size nothing! But thought yeah ok maybe I should do something about my weight…So I went in and sat through a 2hour talk and body weight assessment (straight after work), was freaking starving by then, and had to hear people berate about my weight. I didn’t like the vibes and the people. But it was cheap! $60+ a month for a 2 year contract? Actually I don’t ever recall seeing the gym grounds properly. It was more of a sell-fast deal. They kept pressurising you to sign up for the 2year contract and you’ll get this free, that free etc. Seriously, who cares?
Anyway this bring me to my story. True Fitness. Did you know that the very first date of my life, I went out with a PT from TF!! Yeah but he’s a douchebag! Lol. Ok the serious thing I have to talk about, not man, but woman!!
So I stepped in to TF few days ago.. Accompanied my friend to workout there. I’m a guest. He works there. I was amazed by the number of machines they had there!!! Seriously.. Woahhh!!! Anyway we club hopped and ended up at another branch. Met people.. The friends of my friend are cool. The rest? I don’t know.. Feels weird. Maybe I’m too accustomed with the FF vibes that TF threw me off guard.
So we were working out doing lunges. This guy PT was looking at us.. Probably our form or something but good thing he never said anything to me, but advised my friend not to do lunges cos it’s bad for his knees. Cool! 🙂
Then this lady PT comes up.. And talks to my friend. Ok this is the juicy bit ok..
They talk.. And this friend of mine.. He always likes to boast about me to his friends!! He told her I was from the show. She looks at me and immediately exclaims out loud “OMG What Happened to you then!!?”! And she looks at me like I’m some sort of freak show with her bewildered eyes like why am I not small in size then!!? Nvm.. She asks me what’s my weight! I have nothing to hide so I say I’m 120kg+.. She immediately rattles off.. “Wahhh the biggest I have seen is 104? 105? Then we bring her down to 90+… Wahhh 120!? Never see so big before! The biggest I know is 104..”!!!
And I proceeded to tell her well I was much bigger before.. And she didn’t believe me. And it seems like she’s just baffled that there is a woman as huge as me alive.. Seriously!? Am I really THAT big!? Ok I know I am big. But I have come such a long way! Did you not see how big I was before with so much of belly fat? I still do.. But I would like to think that I had a body recomp!!
Woaaaahhhh!
I was going crazy mentally, BUT!! My friend is working there and I didn’t wanna be rude in front of him you know. I just kept my mouth shut. N just gave my mayakorrs fake smile 🙂
Of course she berated me for going on the show and then said “over here we don’t do that kind of things.. We make clients workout 3x a week.. bla bla bla”. Ok I know that is what normal people do to lose weight. But I am not normal honey. My body been through so much of high intensity stuff, a roller coaster ride. And I wasn’t asking you for your opinion and workout plan. I was happily doing my workout plan (GVT at that time). The crazy shit I did was YEARS, I mean like YEARS ago! It’s 2016 now. I’m not doing the high intense crazy shit anymore!
So Rule #1 – Being judged. People in the fitness line should never judge their clients or guests. Never. You do not know their training background, their medical history, or their current plans. Do not make assumptions. Do not judge. Never.
And then she left us.. With saying something like I have a long way to go n I better get on it. Seriously!!!? I really hate people talking down on me!!!
She’s 52 and a skinny size 2 kinda body with visible panty line! (I’m a bitch I know 😉 ). How dare she judge a guest of the gym with her barely even knowing me!? This is the whole reason why so many fat people don’t feel comfortable in the gym environment!!! And they shun the gym. Cos they gonna get it from people when they make the effort to put themselves out there.
And this is bloodie reason why I will always stick with FF! 6 bloodie years and counting! When I think about it? Ha! I don’t think anyone in FF will ever dare say that to me or anyone for that matter. I have gone across practically all the clubs.. Met so many trainers and front desk people.. Everyone! Everyone is always smiling and greeting you happily! And please.. These people don’t even know that I’m on the show previously. They just see me as a fat girl changing her life.. And I always get encouragement and positive vibes. Some even give me practical advice not to run too much just walk instead.. Etc..
I’m not even gonna talk about my trainer here. He’s a gem. Never ever in my life have I seen anyone train clients like how he does. Bless him. Seriously. Hat’s off to him. Nobody comes close to him. You’ll know why when you see how he trains clients.
Ok back to this TF woman! So much for International Women’s Day! Women should be bringing each other up.. Not make a mockery or make them feel like a freakshow. It’s been some time that I felt like this. I stepped out of my comfort zone.. And saw the real world. Please. I rather pay more for my FF membership and know that I can focus 100% on my workouts, free from judgemental trainers and causing me more stress.
I was so angry, but, I had to bite my tongue for some reasons. My plus size babes, I hear you! I finally know what you mean about judgemental people in the gym. Damn. I’ve been happily cocooned in my lalaland with FF for so long, that I got a rude awakening with what’s going on with this world.
My advice to bigger ladies who wanna change their lives but without the shitty people? Just put yourself in a positive environment that helps you grow! And stop thinking about the monthly membership fees and the $$$. The gains far outweighs the cost. Seriously!
Gosh I can’t imagine a life without fitness.. Don’t wanna think about hitting the 10th year member mark.. Hahaha! 🙂
In all Diva-ness,
Maya Korrs
2015 in a nutshell
Hello Lovelies!
2015 has been quite a year of personal and spiritual growth. The first half of the year was quite exciting, then my doggy passed away in April, and things started spiralling downwards from there. Work has always been bad but it got really really bad and I knew I had to remove myself from that toxic environment before my family checked me in to IMH.
Sheru. My hunny bunny baby juju.. enjoying his last days at his favourite East Coast Beach. He passed on the next day in our arms at home. Dogs are better than men. Seriously.
My baby’s passing was the catalyst that made me realise I needed to change my life. I started 2015 at 128kg, but ballooned up to 131.5kg due to crazy stress. I was working crazy hours till 4-5am on days at end, getting sick, bullied and going mad while others were so carefree watching movies and going for hour long phone breaks at work. So, in June 2015, I finally walked out of that Indian Business Park with what little money I had in my pocket, with no concrete plans for what lay ahead, but happy with a smile on my face.
Sometimes I get angry with myself cos I am too strong for my own good. At the expense of proving to myself that I am not a quitter, I really get burnt out along the way. Damn you mayakorrs! Stop fighting so much! You don’t need to prove how long you can last, if deep down within you, you know that it is not right. If something doesn’t work out, just leave and move on to the next thing.
Along the way, I also limited my exposure with negative people. I started learning how to depend on myself and not look to others to keep me happy. Why, I did go out a lot! But I stopped begging people to hang out with me. I went on countless dates, met many interesting people (a Viking as well.. Hello Karsten!!), and built on the friendships that mean something to me. Friendship is a 2-way street. And friends build you up, not tear you down and fill your mind with doubt after doubt. Life is really better without having to justify yourself and your actions to the people around you.
31 Dec 2014, Bangkok. 128kg.
I think the people that came into my life this year really changed my lifestyle and me as a whole. I think I am better at not worrying too much. I cut back my shopaholic tendencies and eating at wherever whenever. I have come to realise that I rather pay for experiences. Things that enrich my life. Cos that is what is important. It’s not about the PRADA that you carry to the beach. It is the conversations, the people, the company and that exchange of energy that you have with people.
I can’t believe that I have developed and grown so much, over the last 6 months especially. It is definitely not easy, trust me.
Sometimes I feel like a failure because I am jobless, manless, cashless, and going in to 3-0, this is not where I envisioned myself to be. But I guess I cannot stop the clock, so I am gonna learn to embrace this instead.
1988: At 2 years old, with dad at the National Museum, Singapore. 2010: Actual year 2009. Me at one of my biggest when I went for the Biggest Loser Asia Season 1 auditions with my sis. Think I was 130kg here. 2015: Me at 128kg, but with a body recomposition.
I have started writing my book. I am gonna launch my online business. Surely I am not a failure. I came too far… changed my whole life around.. fought against the grain to create this life I never imagined possible..
Me at my 2nd auditions in 2010. And me in the gym in 2015. 129kg vs 125kg. I think I had a body recomposition. But sometimes, I think I look the same. I’m a bit cocked up in my head, I know.. 🙂
Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I told my friends we will go on the dance floor to dance to the live band. Right. Me. The shy girl who never parties, club or dance. Damn I even joined the snake dance on the dance floor. What’s up mayakorrs! You really surprise me sometimes!
Live each day for what it is, for are you ready to die tomorrow?
In a nutshell:
- remove yourself from toxic environments
- limit exposure to negative people
- live for experiences that enrich your life
- don’t be too hard on yourself
- only YOU can change your life
Cheers and I wish you all the very best for the upcoming year!
In Love and Light,
Maya Korrs
26 Dec 2015. I’m Blonde. I’m Hott. I’m Happy. I’m Free.
Interim message
I know I have been gone for some time.. There is so much I need to post.. but I have been busy with my new baby, which I will reveal in due time.
Had quite a depressive streak recently. I don’t know if it is my PCOS acting up on me and causing all these crazy emotions or maybe me approaching my big 3-0 in a month’s time.
I have been sitting down in Shenton Way since 1pm.. 7 hours down now.. having a huge life revelation in my head. I typed so much but then decided I don’t want to put the negative out.
I feel like a FAILURE cos I am nowhere near where I want to be. I know that I have been too harsh on myself. Very bad habit, I know.
Enough. Today, I have decided to stop fighting this universe, put my faith in God and trust the universe will do it’s job. What is within my control, I will act on it. What is beyond my reach, I let the universe handle it. What is meant for me, will be mine.
And you know when I post pics up of me in gym and my workout etc on FB, I don’t expect people to be inspired by that. I do that cos I want to chronicle my workout/ look for the day/ body. And when I receive the out-of-the blue message to keep on fighting, or all the lovely words of how I inspire you to not give up, it really really really makes my day. So thank you.
Ok time to start this baby rolling if I want to celebrate my 30th birthday on 10th Dec 2016, 11 months overdue.
I really appreciate your continued support all these years.. 5 years and counting…
In Love and Light,
Maya
Bullying: Adults vs Kids.
So I’m sure most of you must have seen the Shuqun Secondary School bullying video going around, where this guy slaps his hands on his peer’s face and hits him with a book. It’s nothing new I’m sure. And I feel that the boys can take it out amongst themselves to settle score. Peer vs Peer should not be too much of an issue, right??
This video led me to my past. Trust me.. I have a lot of stories from the past and I am just starting!!
What happens when the tables are turned and the teacher is the bully?? Below are two major incidents of when I was bullied:
Incident #1: Balloon. Primary School, Pri 3, 1995
Being a fat kid in Singapore in the 1990s, we were automatically in the TAF (Trim And Fit, which coincidently or not is F-A-T spelt backwards..) Club. We had to go for these annual health checks at the Ministry Of Health in Outram. Damn that grey and haunted building! It was always the same old shit. They measure your arms with tight pinching calipers and told you how over fat you were in %. Serious!?? That clippers could speak to me about my health!?? You mean pinching my arms could tell you my fat %!?? What about pinching my thighs instead!? I am more bottom heavy I say! And then they would ask you how many times a week do you eat fast food at Mc Donalds n KFC n this n that. Ok my mum used to bring me for these visits, and after that, we’ll head over to Bukit Merah Central and I’ll get to enjoy my hotdog bun and chocolate tart! Anyway that’s beside the point… But yeah.. CHILDHOOD OBESITY IS tres terrible!!!
So it came to a point where in 1996, sometime early in the year April I think, I was fed up of all these sessions at Outram and decided not to go anymore. Or maybe I just didn’t give my mum the forms with the dates. So I got called up. By The Ostrich. Yes.. you know who I’m talking about! That tall scrawny singleton scarecrow teacher who shakes her head automatically (I think it’s a disease), whatever her name. She taught 4A or 4B and used to teach Health Education as well.
So I got called to see her during class. Damn. I remember walking to that dinghy section of the building near the library area which housed the Pri 4A or 4B class. Entered the class with my health booklet/ some health book or papers. She had a class going on. I went up to her, and the only thing I remembered, which still echoes through my head today.. “You are blowing up like a balloon” or “You are gonna burst like a balloon”. Something about me being a balloon. The whole class burst out laughing. I still see that image. All the polka-dotted Pri 4 seniors sitting, laughing at me being called a balloon. I was a meek child. So young and innocent and just kept quiet (a far cry from who I am today). This ostrich basically berated me for not going for the health appointment and changed the dates or something and made me go for a new one.
I never really gave a damn about my weight growing up. Guess I was just a happy fat kid.. who loved eating chicken wings.. and was happy you know!!??? I had wonderful friends who didn’t make fun of me. We had really good times at St Margarets!!
Incident #2: Pregnant Duck. Secondary School, Sec 3, 2001
This. The MF of all incidents. Well I was in Sec 3 if I am not wrong. And the buckle on the belt of my pinafore had dropped. I was too lazy to sew the buckle in place and had used a safety pin to secure my belt. Well.. Hello!! I should be given points for my creativity right! Safety pins work! Even my grandmother’s era used safety pins to secure their loose bra straps!!!
I have to let you know that growing up, I was always a good girl. Young. Meek. Innocent. Naive. Damn people found me naive even at the age of 28!!!
So what happened.. There was a spot check. I got caught by this teacher called The Frog Face (I somehow tend to call ppl animal names, especially when I can’t stand them). This woman, a Geography teacher proceeded to strip me of my belt. She didn’t think that I had a good enough excuse for not sewing my belt to my pinafore. She didn’t care that I had neatly hidden the safety pin so that I still looked presentable and there were no pins visible to the naked eye. Somehow, girls who had safety pins were “delinquents” and had a lesbian tendency or some shit like that. Lol I was far from that!
So, I became beltless that day. 7.30am to 2pm.. I was wearing my pleated pinafore without a belt to cinch my waist. Trust me.. I felt very uncomfortable without a belt the whole day.. taking the bus back home and having people in and out of school stare at me cos I was beltless as if I was some delinquent child! Puh-lease!!!
The next day, I went to the office to collect my belt cos god damn it! I need my belt else how will I wear my uniform!? She told me “How did you go back home yesterday? Like a pregnant duck???”. And she laughed. Like it was funny. I was dumbfounded. Hurt. WTF.
1. She called me a pregnant duck.
2. Pregnant?? There are so many other delinquent girls getting pregnant in St Theresa’s Convent. I was the ugliest of girls and naive and young and innocent.
3. Duck. Do I waddle like a duck!? (Well Madame Frog Face, that DUCK has gone on to do modelling my dear).
Anyway there was some hoo-ha about this incident.. I think my mum complained to MOE.. but in the end the school came back with you shouldn’t have gone to MOE bla bla bla.
Forward to another year or two down the road. I think I was in Sec 4 this time in 2003 (I repeated a year in 2002). I didn’t bother going for CCA cos they shut my CCA down, and dumped me into a cooking CCA. Which then had some gardening aspect to it. See, I was the Vice President of the Art Club in Sec 2. I would have been the President in Sec 3. But they didn’t wanna fund the club the next year, so, they shut it down and made us cook. From art to cooking!! You know me.. I HATE cooking cos ALL the Indian girls will chose cooking cos ALL INDIAN GIRLS COOK!! I was a rebel and didn’t wanna do cooking cos I didn’t wanna be your stereotypical Indian girl. And, I was robbed of my to-be President title. At 15. Damn! 😦
Anyway, so I didn’t go for the new Cooking CCA. Somehow, there was a Gardening aspect to it, and I was told I could make up and go for Gardening to get the attendance requirement. I went once and decided it just wasn’t my thing! So again, I got called by Frog Face to see her after school. Yes the famous Madame Frog. Again.
My punishment, and only way to get my CCA attendance straight, was: TO CLEAN HER PRIVATE ROOM FOR HER!!! So she told me to remove all the files from the cabinets, clean with a damp cloth, let it dry then put it back. Then I had to wipe the ledge of the chalkboard and make sure there was no dust. The entire room 360 degrees, inside out. She wanted it spick and span! After going around the entire classroom with me on what needs to be done, she tells me I can start. Guess what? I grew balls that day and told her “What has this got to do with gardening!??” And I remember telling her that this has nothing to do with gardening and she can go clean it herself. And I walked out. Score Baby!!! First time I stood up to anyone like that. I was 16.
I also vaguely remember once I was late for school and as punishment, I was made to scrub the floor tiles with that 3M yellow and green sponge. That I did for a good 20-30 minutes, but then decided this is shit, and walked off. Nobody came after me.
Well.. Those were two of my major experiences getting bullied in school.
My sis had a Physical Education teacher call her (same school as me) “Get up la Baby Elephant” mockingly just because she couldn’t do a pull up. And the whole class laughed at her. She was 13.
I just find it really sad that adults do these to kids.
1. As a woman, you should nurture a young girl to be her best self. Give her confidence. Help her grow. Not taunt her and rip her inside out.
2. As a teacher, you should encourage your kids to grow and develop in a positive environment. Not make a girl feel like shit about herself. I was never sporty growing up… But look at me now! I love fitness so much I am addicted to it! I don’t think anyone would have thought that that fat kid would be running 10k marathons.. sprinting at 15k/hr on the threadmill.. and lifting 60kg deadlifts and 40kg benchpress!! But I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!!
3. I forgot. Lol. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
I never knew how strong I would become 20 years ago. I’m now almost 30… And that is why people who know me know that I always go the extra mile to make women be better versions of themselves. I don’t like to tear women up. I think we need to build each other up to live our best lives. But my stance is clear. I am still against the muffin top body positivity shit.. cos all those people are getting famous making millions and here, you and I are getting closer to our deathbeds, spending more on fat clothes to look good.. and… I will shut up for now.
In Love and Light,
Maya Korrs
5 Years Overdue
Yes.. I know I should have started this a loooooong time back! But hey, at least I now have 5 years experience under my belt! 😉 So, you can expect a lot more in-depth and old grandmother stories from me. I love to talk and share my opinions, and have been doing so on Facebook since forever, cos nobody else wants to hear my crap!!! I have rubbed people off the wrong way, partook in numerous keyboard warrior fights on my page, made so many new friends and lost some assholes as well. This is perfect cos now, I SPEAK and YOU LISTEN. OK I am kidding.
Some of you may know that I got “famous” 5 years back while on The Biggest Loser Asia TV series. Yes, I am still battling with this thing called WEIGHT. Fighting demons every day (ok maybe every week/month/year) since then, and trying soooooo darn bloodie hard to get back to the weight of my Finale weigh-in (99kg- my first double digits in 12 years in 2010). Will talk more about this in my subsequent posts. I also plan to share with you my journey thus far in the 5 years that have lapsed since then.
I am also merging my love for fashion and styling here. I have always loved dressing up even pre-show. It only got better post-show cos I had access to more mass market brands. Time and again, my fans have complimented me on my dress sense, wanting to know where I got my clothes from. Well, this is dedicated to you ladies!!!
And while I will continue to work my ass off in the gym to fit into my Marks & Spencer UK18 jeans of 2011, I have finally accepted that my hips cannot shrink to anything beyond a UK16 (UK14 if I became anorexic).
I have to make it clear that I take a very strong stand against obesity. I do not support the bull shit of “body positivity” and all that crap where overtly obese women claim to look good in clothes.. in bodies that are never meant to have expanded to that extent. Health reasons aside (why thin n skinny people die from heart attacks too!!), it is my personal belief that you should lead your best life. I have experienced what a smaller body can do for you, and it is my dream to share this with as many people as possible. You never know what you can achieve until the weight falls off your frame. Don’t take my word. You have to experience it for yourself. I have a lot to talk about this.. and why I stopped any plus-size modelling I once did. I will discuss more in time to come. My plus-size ladies, I hope you don’t hate me. These are my views as a fellow plus-size woman myself.
So, to my babe Ally who asked me to start this blog 2 years ago, I finally did!! Thank you my dear. And to Matthieu who asked me “Have you started your blog?”, YES! I finally got down to it after that text and here it is!
Now, I have to continue my sprints on the treadmill so I can strut down my red carpet. Everyday. Yes, I like to walk my red carpet every day.
In Love and Light,
Maya Korrs
P.S.- Maya Korrs IS my OFFICIAL NAME. LEGALLY. Yes!!! (this calls for another story..)
mayakorrs 